i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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