It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
