Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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