a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
