she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
