Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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