Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
