I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
