I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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