So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
