No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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