3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
