next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
