I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
