If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
