i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
