She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
