My first STD was from a foam party
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
