you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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