Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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