Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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