I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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