my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Randomize
