Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize