is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
