maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
