mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
