I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
