Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
