Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Randomize
