So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize