worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
