please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
