I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
