i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
