Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
