shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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