Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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