guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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