this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
is this the sara with the beer cane?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I use my feet as sexual weapons
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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