after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
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