His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
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Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
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Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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