My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
