yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
