I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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