You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
