I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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