there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
