So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
