just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
