No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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