She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
