Where are you?
In a non slutty way
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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