you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
