Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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