the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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