Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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