p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken