I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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