i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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