I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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