guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
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I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
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I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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