Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
