his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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