textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
