Your dad touched me again.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My feet surprised me
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