here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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