hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
