We won't sleep together?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
