And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
