If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
