how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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