We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Randomize
