how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I need water and some morals
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
