finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
