he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
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